What Your Tween Daughter Wishes You Knew
by Tiffany Winegar, LAMFT
Having a tween can be hard. Often parents may not know how to connect with their tween aged children or how to react in situations. Always remember that no matter what, you are the best parent for your child. And with these three tips, you can guide that relationship with your tween daughter in a positive direction.
She doesn't need you to solve her problems.
It's difficult for parents to handle when their tween is hurting. Oftentimes parents want to fix the problem as quickly as possible in order to take away any hurt their child is experiencing and to calm their own worry. But think about the last time you told someone about something you were struggling with and they immediately tried to fix it for you. Often when this happens it can feel invalidating and frustrating and even like the person isn't really listening. It is unlikely that you will continue to open up to this person if they continue to respond in this way. Just like it is for you, it can be frustrating for your tween when you try to solve her problems for her.
She is learning to make her own decisions.
Unlike past years when your child would look to you to resolve issues for her, she is now entering a time of emerging autonomy and independence and needs the chance to work things out herself. Your tween will be much more likely to continue to open up to you if you approach her problems first with active listening and validation.
What to say instead.
Not sure what to say? Try, “that must be really hard" or "what was that like for you?” Not sure if she needs a listening ear or advice? Try, "I can tell this is really important to you. Do you need me to listen or to help you figure it out?”
Offering a listening ear for your tween daughter cna help create a good relationship between parents and their tween age children. For more tips and guidance in parenting, consider our teen and young adult counseling services at Thrive Family Counseling.
